Tweet...Tweet...Tweet

Rockin' Robin? Oh, I wish. But no. I am in charge of getting the Twitter account up and running for the firm. After all, "this is the business networking wave of the future," and blahdie blah blah blah. Oh how I miss the days when the term "network" was a noun that referred to computer stuff beyond my ken rather than a verb that refers to marketing stuff beyond my ken.

Anyway...here we are.

"We" wanted to have this up and running and able to spout off one liners by January 4, 2010. I have it all set up, but NOW WHAT?

I have read 15 articles in the last few months saying "you MUST use Twitter for your business. You MUST!" I have listened to two presentations, and met with one consultant with the very same party line.

Yet NO ONE can seem to tell me exactly HOW to do this. They only tell me that I MUST do it. What they don't seem to understand is that I am secretly a boneheaded moron (or not so secretly, as it turns out, but whatever) and I don't know what to do next! I don't know HOW to "make Twitter work for me." I don't get it.

So I appeal to you, my favorite people in the blogosphere. HOW DOES TWITTER WORK? How do you get people to "follow" you? How often should I "tweet?"

I can't even say "I tweeted" with a straight face. It sounds like something I wouldn't want anyone to overhear or know about. I feel like I am grade school when I say it, and I want to giggle like a school girl too.

So HOW am I supposed to DO it, if I can't even SAY it?

I am clearly and chronically stupid. Please help me.

Merry Christmas

...to one and all!

Jackassery Begets Jackassery

Okay, after my "Jim Harbaugh is a douche" post, I suppose I need to address the long pass at the end of the game .

I had said Pete Carroll never did anything like that. Well he hadn't until Saturday. Was it a jackassy thing to do? Probably.

But...

USC was taking a knee to run the clock out, when Neuheisel called a time out to try and force a USC punt so that UCLA could attempt to score again. They sent a message that they wanted to keep on playing, so USC kept on playing.

Karma is a fickle bitch, Rick.

As I said in the previous post, if you can score, you should score. At least The Trojans did not go for two.

To try and avoid hypocrisy (as much as is possible where sports are concerned), I will no longer paint Pete Carroll with the hallowed glow of sainthood.

But I will still think Jim Harbaugh is a douche until the end of time. And Rick Neuheisel too.

Yeah. Yeah. I know. I said I'd TRY to avoid it, didn't I? Besides, you can't have football, or a good cross-town rivalry without it.

This Just In...

From http://fakewhale.com/tweets/835

"I apologize to USC and all of its fans for being a classless douchebag." Jim Harbaugh

Yeah, I know it's fake, but a girl can hope, right?

After all being a classless douchebag would be the only explanation for going for a two-point conversion when up 48 to 21 late in the 4th quarter.

Yes, I get it. To get ahead in the rankings, you MUST score points, but it isn't like you are vying for a National Championship spot. Still, I had no expectation that he, or his players, should take a knee. If you can score, you should score. But kick the extra point. There is no need to be so disrespectful as to go for the two-point conversion, just so you could say you scored 50. As it turned out, the point was moot anyway, after Barkley threw another interception and you scored yet another touchdown. But by then you had revealed to the world what a small, petty little man you are.

I know USC has scored its share of points over the last seven years, and many times the score was quite one sided. The difference is Pete Carroll never went for two simply to embarrass the other team, he never walked off a field with an arrogant sneer, and he never, ever treated the other team, it's coaches, or it's fans with anything but respect.

You won the game, Jim Harbaugh, but you lost face. You can't "win" class. Either you have it, or you don't, and well...you showed us which team you play for.

Of course what could one possibly expect from an institution that allows it's band members to march in representation of their school with this painted on their instruments:

Nice. While the football team played very well on Saturday, Stanford's impressiveness definitely ends there.

A Random List of Happenings

There is so much happening in Maggie Land these days, that about the time I know what I want to blog here, something changes and I have to search for new words. So in lieu of coherency, I have opted for a random list of happenings.

1) In September, my parents moved in with us. As the readers of the old blog know, my dad lost his job in February of 2008, after being relocated to the mid-west...and 20-something years of service. Neither my mom, nor he have been able to find jobs since and are living with us.

2) In October, after a four-month escrow, my middle son's house (which my parents were going to move into with him) fell out of escrow on the day before we were set to sign loan documents (we were co-signing) due to the house being reclassified as a condo, because the city redevelopment agency decided that having the word "condo" on a title sounded more upscale than "single family residence" or whatever the correct term is, despite the fact that it was clearly NOT a condo, since land was being purchased (and no amount of run on sentence could make it make sense, so just go with it).

3) Our oldest son is unemployed also, and has been since late last year. He and his wife and two little boys are living with his mom (I'm the step-mom, remember) and three of her kids (of whom I am NOT the step-mom) in a small three-bedroom house. But oldest son just got three new tattoos. He turned 23 yesterday.

4) Our youngest son's step-dad is virtually unemployed. He gets piece work here and there, but no steady income. His mom has never worked outside the home.

5) Two weeks ago, our middle son got his hours cut to part time, and learned his job will very likely not last the year. All that "Oh no, the house didn't close!" turned quickly to "Thank GOD the house didn't close!" Amazing the difference a few weeks makes.

6) Since my parents are living with us, and our oldest son is living with the boys' mom, there is no place for middle son and his wife and two daughters to go...so we are paying half his rent to keep him afloat.

7) Our oldest son's wife has cancer. She has had it for some time, but when they first started her radiation treatment, they found out she was pregnant. As her cancer is in her female organs, she opted to continue the pregnancy, because she will be sterile after her cancer treatments are complete, and she felt it was her only chance to have a baby. After her C-section August, 2008, the doctors wanted her to have 3 months to heal before resuming her radiation, at which time...guess what...she was pregnant. She decided her son needed a sibling and continued that pregnancy to term as well. Here we are in November, 2009, and now she is not responding to the radiation. The doctors are switching her to chemo.

8) My dog is sick. She has Cushings disease which it apparently very expensive to treat...on top of the expense of having her tested in the first place. Either way, it doesn't look promising long-term.

9) There are some major battle lines being drawn at my workplace, and a war is pending. My last post referred to the can being open, and the worms being everywhere. After a week or so of drama, we are currently operating in the "ignoring the worms" mode...but a storm is brewing. It is not over. Not by a long shot.

10) Hubby's workplace is awash in legal issues. Major damage potential.

11) Then there was THIS on Saturday...and YES I saw it.

I have tried to carefully present these random thoughts so as to report only the facts. I have purposefully refrained from editorializing with my opinions. Feel free to comment as you will, but I feel that it would be prudent for me to keep my opinions on certain matters to myself. You just never know who is watching.

But believe me, I DO have opinions. Oh yes, I do.

And I have troubles (whoa-oh). I have worries (whoa-oh). I got wounds to bind.

I'll bet you wish I had just stayed silent now, don't you?

Can Open...

...worms everywhere.

Sigh.

What A Jagged Little Pill

The first half of October is heinously busy for me, and I start to lose my mind just a little. Okay...a lot. Potato potahto.

I have a dog who is on medication for an under-active thyroid. She takes this little purple pill twice a day. So a few days ago I got her morning pill out as I was getting ready to leave the house. I bit later, I thought to myself how good the other dogs were being. Normally, when I give K her pill, they beg for treats too (and get them) but they hadn't this morning. Good dogs.

But wait...that can't be right. They aren't good dogs...not ever...when it comes to treats. So...hmmm.

Did I even give K her pill? No. I couldn't have. She was still lying in the same spot she had been all morning (I mentioned the under-active thyroid, right?), but she would have moved for a pill filled treat.

So what did I do with it? I know I got it out. Where did I put it?

I retraced my steps, which led me back through the house, to the kitchen, to the glass I had gotten out of the cupboard and filled with water so that I could...so that I could...oh crap.

So yes, I took an animal grade thyroid pill.

And I didn't lose a single pound, thank you very much. I didn't even throw up breakfast. No wonder the dog has been on the damn pills for four years and still weighs over 100 pounds.

Now how do I explain to the vet that I know the pills aren't working?

Do you see the shit I am dealing with here? Really?